i have lived, endured, breathed, if only for these moments with you.
Two days from now, it’ll be a month until my wedding.
You know that really surreal moment when something that was always a hypothetical in your brain slowly starts to transition into a concrete reality? It could be anything, from attempting to get your dream job and starting your first day of work, or trying to get into a good school and stepping foot on campus. For me, it’s been this wedding. It was always a real thing - I knew it was going to happen, obviously - but it was always centered around the planning of it. It became an activity, a hobby, a pastime.
But now that it’s so close, it’s starting to morph into something real.
I’m getting married.
I’m going to be someone’s wife.
How do things like this even happen?
How do I even be someone’s wife?
I still haven’t really figured that out yet.
I know that I’m obviously not the first person to get married, nor will I be the last. Millions of people have gone through these motions and have said, “I do.” And millions will follow after I add myself to that collection. But it’s still a tad on the over-whelming side.
I am fortunate in that I have a few people who’ve recently gotten married who have been helping me and guiding me through things, who are able to quell the raging panic that’s been brewing inside of me. I’ve had dreams of an absolute disaster wedding (like having it take place in the middle of a dead field, surrounded by a chain-link fence), so it’s obvious that my brain is starting to go haywire.
But at the end of it - I guess all of those things don’t really matter. They’ll be nice, of course … having a pretty dress, walking down the aisle with my parents, being at the beach, reciting those lines … But really, all that matters is the outcome. I’ll be going to the lighthouse as an engaged woman, and leaving as a married one. That’s what really matters, right?
I’ll have to keep reciting these things as I slowly descend into hysterics ..